My hero

There may be someone out there that just LOVES Spongebob, but most of us just tell ourselves and everyone else that we do in hopes of tricking our brains into not being completely and utterly annoyed when our children watch it. Afterall, mind over matter sometimes works.  As you know, you can find Spongebob on at least one channel 24 hours a day. I’m pretty sure that there are subliminal messages being forced into our brains when we look into Spongebob’s eyes. Anyway, the best thing happened to our family about a month ago. Ben became very interested in cowboys after spending a couple evenings with his grandpa who showed Ben how “cool” black and white westerns can be. Keep in mind that Ben is not even 3 yet, but he loved this. Out with the Spongebob and in with…..THE LONE RANGER! Yes, really! Although, if you remember much of the Lone Ranger, it may not sound appealing to you, but I’ll gladly take it over Spongebob any day! When the Lone Ranger was on the other day Ben ran to the refrigerator and grabbed an eye mask, then to his room for his cowboy hat. If The Lone Ranger isn’t on TV, since it’s not quite as popular as Spongebob these days, Gunsmoke or any other western that is displayed in black and white will suffice, but it’s definitely not the favorite choice.

This morning, in a hurry as usual because I can’t pull myself out of bed, I was rushing Ben to “finish eating,” “get dressed,” and “find your shoes!” Well, Ben absolutely does not wear shoes anymore, he wears cowboy boots. It has recently been 80 degree weather, and still the cowboy boots! Kids are so weird sometimes, but that is not a fight that I’m willing to have at 6:15 am when I’m trying to get to work on time, so go ahead and put your damn cowboy boots on!

It’s funny to watch children grow up and admire one person (or character) one day, and then completely forget about them the next. It’s so interesting to me to see what and who our children’s heroes are and to learn why our children are so intrigued with these “characters.” I hope that someday, the Lone Ranger will fade into the depths of lil Ben’s brain and his heroes will become real people who have done real things to make a difference in his life. I have faith this will happen, but right now, my biggest hero is my little Lone Ranger.

He Pooped!

For all of you mothers who have attempted to potty train a little boy, you will completely understand when I say there is VICTORY in 1 single bowel movement done in the toilet.  Amazing how, even though they are still SO small, they have MAN poops in their diapers!  Horrible smelling and just big!  Tyler has been doing SO well peeing in the toilet but when it comes to pooping-he'd rather go into his room or go behind the couch and do his thing in his pants. . oh, he KNOWS what he's doing because he always says afterward, "I POOPED". . .great, why couldn't you tell me 5 minutes ago?  In our guest bathroom we have a piece of wood at the base of the toilet so he can stand and pee without missing the bowl.  We also have a step stool in front of our toilet and on the ledge of that step stool we have taped a box of fruit loops, an animal toy, a chocolate candy bar, and money.  When he poops in the toilet he gets a choice of what 'prize' he wants.  What kids WOULDN'T that entice?!?!?!?!?!  Oh yeah, my son.  Today about 2:30 p.m., my husband, Kurt called me at work and I was put on speaker phone.  Kurt said, "mommy, Tyler is a big boy and told me he'd try to go poop". . .so at my desk, in my cubicle, I proceeded to say, "go Tyler, YAY!  I'm so proud of you! What a big boy!  You can do it! YAY!!!" and Kurt informed me when 1 poop dropped (another "yay-what a big boy") 2nd poop dropped ("oh my goodness, Tyler, I'm SO proud of you") and 3rd poop dropped (clapping from both Kurt and I and my continued vocal encouragement).  Kurt then involved me in the conversation on speaker phone of what prize Tyler was going to choose.  Tyler chose the Rhino plastic animal to add to his animal collection!   Wow, what a victory, he pooped in the toilet!  SO proud of you, Tyler!! Way to GO!!!

I Married My DAD

            I had the best childhood. I grew up with a mom and a dad who loved me, 2 older brothers who spoiled me, and all of the ponies and kittens that any little girl could ever dream of. Dolls were not for me, and as I grew older I became much closer with my dad than my mom. I would much rather ride the tractor with my dad than be in the house helping mom with dinner…how lame…and how “Suzie homemaker”. Now, I don’t want you to think that my mother was a pushover by any means or that she lived to serve her children and husband, she did this all out of necessity rather than desire, but my dad definitely expected dinner on the table when he got home from work and laundry washed and ready for him. As frustrated as my mom would get at times, she never stood up for herself, or at least I never saw it. I specifically remember an argument that my mom and I got into when I was in college. She had complained about something that my dad had, or hadn’t done, and I said to her, “I would have never married anyone like dad, and if I did I would have trained him better.” Yes, I said TRAINED, believe it or not, there are lots of similarities between your husband and your golden retriever, he may be very loyal but it takes a lot of training on the front end to turn him into a good dog…I mean husband. Anyway, after that comment that I had made to my mom, I don’t really remember many other details, but I can only assume that I slammed a door, stormed out, and drove over to my ever-caring and tentative boyfriend’s house. My mom didn’t talk to me for a long time, probably 2 weeks, and for someone like me who thrives on conversation, that was an eternity of pure hell. I felt bad, but not because of what I had said, only because of how it had hurt my mom, but damn…stand up for yourself once in a while! He walks all over you! As a child, this is how I had perceived their relationship. My dad said mean things when they were fighting, and was thoughtless at times…and very selfish. I loved and still do love him more than anything…as a dad, but as a husband he would be a difficult person to be married to. He was, and still is at times so selfish.

            Time passed and I dated…A LOT…and had a lot of different boyfriends who were always great. They cared what I thought, they spoiled me with attention and affection, and told me all of the time how great I was. I loved this! Then…I saw Adam. I had just landed my first real job out of college and during the first staff meeting when I was being introduced to everyone, I saw him. “That’s the man I’m going to marry.” Stop…I laugh at everyone else that believes in love at first sight too, but mine was real, honestly. Shortly after this initial sighting, we started talking, and hanging out, and dating. It didn’t take long, I was head over heels in love with this guy. He was everything I wanted and it all just felt so natural, and comfortable. It wasn’t until after we were married that I realized why everything felt so natural and comfortable, I had married my dad.

 People say that you turn into your mother, apparently I have, although I’m working on the training! I understand now why my mom stuck with it. My dad, and my husband are great…buttheads (to say the least) sometimes, but great and frustrating all at the same time. My husband likes to tell me that I don’t take on enough challenges, but what he doesn’t see is that THIS is the biggest challenge of my life…and I’m not going to give up until he graduates from obedience school!

Remember

I sit next to a girl at work who is having her first baby.  I think I had almost forgotten those 10 months of my pregnancy with Tyler.  But as she tells me her day to day experiences I remember, boy, do I remember.  I remember the first ultra-sound at 12 weeks.  I was alone at the dr's office because Kurt was running late.  The tech held off for as long as she could because she knew I wanted Kurt to be there but she finally took me in a room and put that warm lube on my belly.  I wanted to cry and smile all at the same time.  There my baby was-so perfect, even at 12 weeks he was the most beautiful thing I had EVER seen.  After a minute, there was a knock on the door and Kurt walked in.  When I said, 'hey babe' and he responded with 'hey honey' the baby went from laying COMPLETELY still to jumping around like a little Mexican jumping bean and waving his arms like he knew his dad had just walked in.  Or maybe the baby sensed my relief and joy?  For whatever reason, it was DARLING. 
At 22 weeks I remember sitting on the couch with Kurt (we are both cuddlers and sit very close to each other).  Kurt's elbow was basically resting on the side of my stomach.  He had yet to feel the baby move and all of a sudden Kurt's elbow was kicked off me stomach! haha. . .Kurt said, 'was that the baby?' and I said, 'yeah, pretty cool, huh?'  Kurt rested his arm back on my stomach and we both settled back in to watch the movie we had started but I don't think either of us were really focused.  All I could think of was about this little bundle of joy that would soon be mine and he/she (we didn't find out the sex of either of our babies) had already changed my world and made me the happiest woman/mother EVER!
I remember having my first contractions at 32 weeks and going to the hospital where they gave me tons of IV meds to stop labor.  While doing this the nurse and the doctor warned me of all the possibilities that could happen if this baby decided not to stay in 'there' til term.  Petrified I remember thinking and praying, "Oh, God, please let everything be ok and make this baby STAY PUT".  God answered my prayers because, although I was on bed rest from week 34-40, Tyler was born a DAY AFTER his due date!  3/25/09 I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. 
I don't want anyone to think I didn't enjoy my second pregnancy as much, it was just different.  I couldn't just sit on the couch and take joy in all the squirming-I was too busy chasing a 2 yr old! I couldn't just blissfully imagine what would and COULD be someday.  I was living it everyday and yes, I have so much joy, but we all have to admit as mothers, some days are HARD and not so enJOYable! 
I remember more with Kendall while I was at work-or maybe that was the only time I could really focus on the tumbling in my belly.  While Tyler liked to kick me in my ribs, Kendall liked to roll her booty across my belly! haha. . .so fun.  So, as the young women around me and you get pregnant 1 by 1 and have these moments, I encourage us all to just, remember.

It must be a conspiracy

I have to believe that most, if not all women who have children and are in a relationship with a man wonder where they went wrong or what did I get myself into?  You may not wonder this all of the time, but be honest…it has crossed your mind, some of us more than others.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love my husband more than he’ll ever understand, but……what happened to 50/50? Compromise? Sacrifice?  I’m beginning to understand what this means, and yes I consider myself a slow learner. Ben is almost 3 now and it has taken me this long, but I continue to fight the battle…maybe I think I’m going to “win one” for women everywhere, but I probably won’t! So back to my point...I think I understand what our church pastors, marriage counselors, mothers, and annoying aunts mean when they say that marriage and raising children is life changing and it takes a lot of compromise and sacrifice.

1.     Sacrifice: women being willing to gain weight, stretch marks, and more patience than we ever knew we could have. Losing sleep when our babies (or husbands) are hungry, teething, or having nightmares. Giving up the control over our lives that we once had…whether you want to admit it or not, youngsters (and husbands) often determine where we go out to eat (if you are brave enough to go at all),where we shop, how far we travel, and what movies we go see…c’mon, when is the last time you took your babies (or husbands) to see the latest Matthew McConaughey film?

2.    Compromise: getting into an argument over something that you are OBVIOUSLY right about, but giving in to your husband (or children) to avoid a scene while in public. Letting your husband (or kids) watch or listen to their favorite tv shows so you can have a little free time for yourself (which usually consists of cleaning up after dinner or folding laundry). Allowing your husband (or kids) to “fix” whatever may or may not be broken so they can feel like a “provider” even though it probably would have been completed 4 days sooner if you would have just called a professional (or done it yourself!)

3.    50/50: This is simple, 50/50 is loosely translated to mean 80/20.

       So…why couldn’t they just tell us these things before we got married and had babies? Because if they would have told us these things, we probably would have avoided marriage and children all together causing a huge decrease in the human population. It must be a conspiracy.  

Sleep, or lack of

Why is it that on the 1 or maybe 2 days you could REALLY enjoy sleeping a little, children have these mental alarms that scream, "MOMMY isn't going to work today! Wake-UP, wake HER up! Hurry!"  Seriously?  Friday at work I was SO tired and all I could think about was (other than my pre-baby self) was how much sleep I should be able to catch up with the 3 day weekend.  Saturday, kids should sleep until 8:30-that is 2 hrs catch up; Sunday, 8:30-another 2 hours; Monday, yup, 8:30. . .that is a total of 6 hours catch up sleep that I should HAVE been able to get, right??? So, why is it that yesterday, Saturday, my children both decided to wake up at 7:30?!?!?! WHAT??? Sure, you sleep in for your dad every Monday through Friday but yeah, just go ahead and jump on me at 7:30. . .Then last night (kids should've gone to bed early, right?  They woke up so dang early!) Tyler went down at 10 and then proceeded to get out of bed and come to the living room every 30 minutes until 1 a.m. at which Kurt and I decided if we just went to bed and he knew we were in bed he wouldn't come to our room. . .WRONG!  Shortly after we turned out all the lights, we heard the pitter patter of little feet.  I nudged Kurt but of course he has the blessed ability to sleep throughout children's noises. . .so I took Tyler out to the living room and laid on the couch.  He FINALLY fell asleep at 2:55 and I carried him to his bed.  His eyes flickered and he sat up-'PLEASE NO', my head screamed!  But he just re-arranged himself and fell back asleep!  WHEW!  I crawled into bed around 3 a.m. and thought, well, I'll get 5 hours of sleep. . .but no, Kendall had to wake up at 7.  And, even though I have no idea what tomorrow (Memorial Day) brings, I'm assuming that I won't get that 6 extra catch up hours that I had my heart set on.  Yay. . . .here's to lack of sleep for the next 5 years!

Mini Vacation....Part 2

If you have already read my previous post, and have viewed Cindi's most recent, I'm sure you can anticipate what this will be about. This is my "mini vacation" continued. To save a little money we decided to drive up to the softball tournament today (Saturday) rather than last night so our day started pretty early this morning. 6:00 am: Wake up! Run to put the wet clothes from last night's wash in the dryer since half of what is in there still has to be backed for our "mini vacation". Go shower before waking kids up. Make breakfast so it'll be ready when Ben, Presley, and my niece wake up. 6:30ish...packing wet clothes into our bags so we can leave by 7. Okay, kids fed, dogs fed, windows all closed, house locked up..time to pack the car and deliver the dogs to their overnight destination. So, I usually think that my durango is plenty big enough for everything I need to carry, but this obviously isn't so when we have a ball bag (full of equipment that Adam may or may not use), a tent to block sun which we definitely won't use (because I'm a bad mom and I love to be tan and let my kids play in the sun), my over night bag, my niece's overnight bag that is 3 times the size of her, Ben's backpack, Adam's wal-mart bag packed with his clothes, and Presley's bag. Oh, and a double-wide stroller too because I like to pretend I'm a runner with my huge double running stroller...I find that it makes other mom's jealous and then I feel better about myself..Kidding!!! Anyway, if we can slam the door down fast enough nothing will fall out...QUICK..SHUT IT! Good, hatch closed, kids loaded, 1 dog under Ben's feet, one golden retriever on my lap in the front. This is classy, I hope we get pulled over now! Ten minutes later, the dogs are dropped off and we're FINALLY on our way. Smooth sailing, kids were pretty good, nobody pooped or peed their pants, no car sickness, I'd call that a successful drive!

Now we're at the tournament, awesome. Ben peed his pants already. I took him behind a shed to change him since there were no bathrooms available. I pulled his pants down and out fell a huge turd! I never say omg, but OMG...this isn't embarrassing at all. I don't make eye contact with anyone who may or may not be watching the mother of the year. After this situation is taken care of it's time to feed Presley her bottle, but it was cold because there was no running water anywhere and my bottle warmer picked one hell of a day to STOP WORKING. Of course she's not going to drink it. I feel my anxiety and I want a xanax, although I've never had one I hear wonderful reviews! Presley is screaming, Ben's running around like a barefoot hillbilly, and what now....my f***ing period starts. Really? REALLY? Do you think I packed tampons? Of course not. Thank goodness for my fellow softball wives and one very generous friend who was able to run to the store for me. Happy Memorial Day weekend friends...stay tuned!

(This is exactly how I feel this weekend)

Memorial Day

Driving into work this morning I took a moment to think about the holiday most of us will be celebrating this weekend.  I decided I would share with all of you what exactly this means to me:
I have 3 days to lose the 10 pounds I've been telling myself the last 9 months I'd lose.  I will have to see almost as many people this weekend as I would for a small wedding.  While I'm seeing all these people I will be chasing a 3 year old in the 90 degree weather and holding a 10 month old, therefore, I'll be sweating the whole time I'm trying to visit with people.  In 3 days I will be expected to put my body in a tankini or bikini-while sucking in used to work, it does NOT work anymore and because I refuse to buy a new bathing suit, I'll be the 1 person in the pool and/or lake who is too big for my swimsuit.  Thus, I'll be talked about all weekend, and not in a positive way.  I can imagine ppl's conversations: "Omg, Cindi has not lost ANY baby weight.  Look at what she's eating.  No wonder her body is in such terrible shape".  Within the next 4 days I'll be expected to put away my close-toes shoes and big winter shirts and take out my cute sandals (GREAT, so NOW I gotta also keep my toe nails painted-like I don't have enough to do) and tank tops (YAY, might as well call me a big bird with the wings that will flap for ya).  Why, oh, why, do I always anticipate summer months and long weekends off work?  This year on Memorial Day I'll be remembering my before-baby self. The 1 who didn't have to suck in her gut to strut around a pool.  The 1 who didn't have to feel like a pig if she went back for seconds or thirds.  The 1 who's make-up was perfect as she mingled.  hey, you.  Dang!  Anyway,  I have been wonderfully blessed and have 2 beautiful children and much to be grateful for, it's just times like these. . .oh, well.  Happy Memorial Day, everyone!  Enjoy your time 'off'!

"Mini Vacation"

It's soon to be Memorial Day weekend, the 1 year anniversary of the Tornado that broke my house last year, we'll call him Tornado Aaron (hurricanes get names, why can't the tornado that broke my house?). Anyway, that's all beside the point. It's Memorial Day weekend and I'm mentally preparing myself for the beginning of Softball season. For those of you who aren't familiar or haven't heard me complain in real life, fastball season is comparable to "the other woman" in our marriage. May through September every year is a time when Adam believes that we take "mini vacations" on all of our weekends. What he doesn't understand is that these "mini vacations" consist of Adam PLAYING softball and hydrating himself with beer and me chasing kids around making sure foul balls don't crush their lil skulls! Oh, but after the games it's always time for the pool where I drag my stretch-marked body into the pool to supervise the numerous children who are jumping and splashing and gasping for air when they sink because none of them can swim yet (everyone on the team has children under age 4), all while Adam relaxes his "sore muscles" in the hot tub. Afterall, it's hard on a man's body to stand on first base in the 90 degree weather all day. I should have some compassion here, but I don't, I wasn't born with it, nor have I ever developed it (This may be my one and only flaw)! Okay, back to my point...it's so hard not to think about 4 years ago when none of us had children and these fastball tournaments were indeed "mini vacations" where the girlfriends, none of us were married WAY BACK THEN, actually enjoyed the games. This was the time when we enjoyed watching our guys play ball, and damn...they looked so good out there in those uniforms, hitting homeruns, running around those bases! Now, most of our guys have developed some love handles, the girlfriends have turned to wives with stretchmarks and hair pulled back in pony tails to prevent baby barf from getting caught in it, and iced tea instead of Mike's Hard Lemonade.  Remember, the more we drank, the better they ALWAYS looked! I miss those "good old days" sometimes, but I think I'm almost ready for my "mini vacation" this weekend.



This was me....before kids!



Will You Jump Me?

Believe it or not, I actually asked this question twice last night-within the span of an hour.  While I'd like to spill how I'm a duracel battery, alas it wasn't that kind of 'jump'.  I have to tell you a little bit of background before I get to my nightmare of an evening.
1st: we have 2 vehicles but only 1 that we actually drive.  Kurt has a work van but other than going to a lumber store or to the motorcycle track, it really doesn't travel all that often.  The majority of our traveling is done in my taurus-a 2000. . .yup-enough said.  Both of us take my car individually and jointly.
2nd: I co-teach a class Wednesday nights at my church.  A class of 3-5 year olds.  We started out with 5, we are now at 11 children.  For those of you who aren't parents, 2-5 is the best and worst ages ever just because they have so much energy and drain all mine! And they aren't the best listeners. . . . 
3rd:  While I'm not always 'on time', I'm usually within the ball park of 10 minutes from when I want to be somewhere.  Kurt, on the other hand, is within the ball park of an hour.
Ok, now that you know backgrounds let my story begin:
Last night (Wednesday) I got home from work about 4:22 p.m.  Thats a few minutes later than usual but I had to stop in traffic while some police officers took an unsuspecting man down and cuffed him-was an entertaining traffic stop and definitely didn't mind watching that!  When I got home Kurt told me he wanted to run to the post office.  Oh, when Kurt says he wants to run to 1 place, it usually means he is going to make 2 stops.  When he says 2 stops he means 3 or more. . .So when he told me he had to run to the P.O. I said, "don't be late because I HAVE to leave at 6.  Tonight is my night to teach and I have to set some stuff up and make copies".  He said, "I won't" then he ran into his room, changed into gym clothes and came back to our front door hopping while he tied his tennis shoes.  I said, "Post office?" He said, "well, I think I'm going to go to the gym, too." Once again, I reminded him that it was CRUCIAL he be on time!!!! And, as always, he PROMISED he would be.  In my mind I went "uh-huh" while rolling my eyes mentally but I smiled and kissed him good bye.  
I'm going to jump ahead now because you don't need specifics-you all know how getting kids ready goes. . .6:15 p.m.  I call Kurt for the 4th time.  Tyler and I are standing by the door WAITING for my car so we can go to class-yup, same 1 that I'm teaching tonight and starts at 6:30!  He AGAIN tells me he is just seconds away-funny how that's been the response since 6:08!  6:21, Tyler and I are in the car and I'm racing to church-on an empty tank. Apparently Kurt had done enough traveling that he had gone through the rest of the gas and didn't get anymore-err.  Anyway, we get to church right at 6:31!!! Good thing I don't teach this class alone.  Kids are HORRIBLE the whole 1 1/2 hours. . .and I tell the other teacher, my friend I'll call "S", "these are the moments when I never want to teach this class again".
Kids are finally gone and "S" and I walk out to our cars with our kids.  We are the last 2 people at the church, we've been chatting it up for a while.  We both get in our cars and, yup, my car won't start!  I holler at her, "WILL you jump me?"
NOW is when the evening gets interesting: neither of us know what we are doing so I call my dad to walk me through this.  He says "red is positive and black is negative.  Don't let the 2 clamps touch each other."  S's car was running so I clamped the cables to her car first, "red positive", k. . .now, I was holding the clamps for my car.  I let them touch and sparks flew-which reminded me of what my dad had said but only after I jumped and threw the clamps down on the ground together. . .so they sparked until they jumped apart.  When there were no longer sparks I picked up the clamps and attached them to my car, the whole time wondering if my life was about to end.  I got in my car and turned the key-SUCCESS!  Yay! Unclamped both cars and drove. . .to Meijers.  I needed groceries and didn't have a second thought about turning my car off so soon after I had to get a jump!  Yes, I know, ok, I know, NOW I know-so if you want to judge or even throw a thought of "You should've known" my way, where were YOU last night?
Finished my grocery shopping (which took longer because I had to walk past all the fish tanks 2 times so Tyler would behave-hey, you do what you gotta do, right moms?) and walked out to my car.  Loaded Tyler and groceries and, DANG! Car is dead!  At this point I want to lay my head on my steering wheel and cry-but as I as about to do so, I realized I couldn't roll my windows down and it was 85 degrees in my car.  Tyler started crying, "mom, the cars broke and we are STUCK?!?!?!?"  Did I say my thoughts out loud or does my child have the ability to read my mind?  My phone started ringing, it was my dad.  I told him my battery was dead again and he started lecturing how I should've known better.  I told him bye and hung up on him mid-sentence.  Look, I've had a really rough evening and at 9:45 I realize it's going to get worse until it gets better and I don't need to be lectured.  Soon the lady parked in front of me comes out to her car and I say, "Will you jump me?"  She says, yeah, but I don't even know how to open my hood.  Ah, a new Honda CRV. . .I don't know either lady, but I smile and just say, "Mind if I try?"  She scoots over and I find the latch and open the hood.  I then open my trunk (hello you trusty old cables) and open my hood.  I'm becoming an expert on this but I tell the lady I've only done this 1 other time ( I DO NOT tell her it was less than an hour ago).  So, she starts freaking out and shouting at every person coming out of Meijer-'do you know how to jump cars??? This girl is gonna die!'  This lady is now freaking me out and I'm afraid to attach it to MY car. . .dang, and how is EVERYONE coming out of Meijer on a Wednesday night female and mechanically dumb like I am?!?!?!?!?  Anyway, my car started again and I thanked the lady and closed both hoods, threw the cables in my trunk and got back in the car. 
My car is out of gas so I stop at the gas station but pump with my car on-I know, breaking the #1 rule but whatever, I'm thinking by this time, I wouldn't mind blowing up!  Get in the car and Tyler screams, "I'm hungry, mom.  I want a cheeseburger from McDonald's".  McDonalds is our weekly treat after church on Wednesdays and he has been SO good so, McDonalds then home. . .ah, home. . .

Hold your worm down...

I was worn out from a long day, and what had seemed like a very long and tedious few weeks, Adam must have sensed this. I don’t think it was the fact that I had jumped down his throat because he failed to answer his phone 5 minutes after he was supposed to be out of work or that I had lazily fixed crappy meal of processed and preserved Hamburger helper, or the fact that the house looked as if a tornado had gone through it (yes, I actually had that happen last year so I’m allowed to make that statement). It may, however, have been the obvious anxiety that I was displaying as Presley’s belly realized that it was 6:02, exactly 2 minutes after her scheduled dinner time and time to scream as loud as possible. At this point, I was quite certain that my baby was doing this purposely, just to piss me off. I was going to lose it! I sat down in the chair in the dining room, placed my hands over my ears, closed my eyes, and began to rock back and forth. Adam could have very easily checked me into a mental hospital right then, but he didn’t. Instead, he took action by feeding Ben his “home cooked” meal of Hamburger Helper and prepared the baby food for Pres. By the way, I refer to the Hamburger Helper as home cooked because I had added my own special ingredient…peas. Lame, I know, but I promise that I’ll never claim to be a good cook. Anyway, by this time I had pulled myself together slightly and taken a few deep breaths, no more rocking uncontrollably. I was trying to relax in front of the tv in the other room feeling a little guilty and embarrassed about the baby-fit that I had just thrown in front of my whole family. Presley finally went to bed, and Adam was helping Ben in the bathroom (we’re still potty training, hence the long few weeks). The “mom” part of the night was almost over, even though I had totally checked out about 40 minutes earlier. All of the sudden I hear Adam yell, “Dammit Ben, hold your own worm down, you just peed all over me!” I had to laugh, I’d never before heard it called that! That one statement brought me back, and with a smile, I went to see what was going on. Ben had definitely peed all over Adam’s shirt and couldn’t stop laughing. If I ever have another boy, I will know to buy a potty seat with a splash guard!

After we finally got Ben settled into bed, I grabbed a glass of my favorite St. Julian Concord twist off wine and relaxed for the rest of the evening.  Thanks buddy, for being just silly enough to pull me out of my funk! No more baby-fits for a while, at least not from the 28 year old in the family!

PMS

I'm not a screamer.  Never have been, and always said never will be.  Guess I jinxed myself. . .or, maybe I can blame it on '30'. . .last night after a LONG night of kids, husband, and myself being cranky it was FINALLY bath-time!  YAY!  (Bath-time precedes NIGHT TIME)  Tyler was in the bathtub, I always put him in there first so he can play a bit, and he had hollered that the water had cooled down.  That is my cue that it is time for Kendall to go in and wash them both down.  First, their hair-Tyler whines and Kendall makes a blub blub noise when I rinse the soap out of their hair, tear free Johnson's baby wash, mind you, so it doesn't hurt them!  At this point is when Tyler starts acting uncontrollable!  He screams and splashes and won't sit still!  I repeatedly say to him, "Tyler, please stop so I can wash you" "Tyler, sit down NOW so I can finish washing your body" "Tyler I'm going to spank you", all of a sudden he splashes so hard it startles Kendall and she falls back, hitting her head on the tub- at this point I lost it, I FINALLY have the, shall we say, PRIVILEGE to meet MY PMS for the first time,  and I scream, "TYLER, YOU SIT DOWN NOW OR I WILL SPANK YOUR BARE BUTT AND WHEN I DO IT WILL HURT!"  The screaming has scared me but thats when my eyes clear (I swear they were glazed for a bit) and I see Tyler crying and saying, "you scared me, mom.  I want my daddy."  Aw, but look, the kids are all of a sudden minding me and bath-time is done within minutes and the kids are out, dressed, and ready for bed.
PMS, where have you been all my life?!?!?! And here I thought you and screaming would be a bad thing!  It is GOOD to be 30!

Is the grass really greener?

My typical day begins with a 7:30am coffee clatch meeting at my desk. My besties and I gather with our different types of caffeinated beverages. The meeting always starts with a different person asking, "how was your night?" That always starts the "I can top that" conversations of everyone talking over the top of everyone else about what stupid thing their man did the night before and how we as women have to put up with so much "crap" to receive what seems like so little appreciation.  We all know that there's nothing more frustrating than having the house spotless, only to watch your hubby put some dirty dishes back in the sink and leave his dirty socks on the living room floor. It's so easy to complain about our significant others, almost too easy when you have such amazing friends that can relate. We often talk about how we should leave our husbands, take our children, and all move in together! How fun, it'd be like college again (but with kids)! We don't need the men, we got what we wanted from them (our babies), and damn, the nights when they're too busy to be home to help with dinner and kids things often run a lot smoother! Think about it, how much fun would it be to live in a huge house with all of your best friends and all of the kids together? I know what you're thinking....Sister Wives....but without the man! Yes!

But then what would we do without our man? I've only been married for 3 1/2 years, but I am still and hope to always be "in love" with Adam. What would I do without him? As much as "the good old days" sound appealing, I don't think the grass is any greener there. I loved my life then, but that was then, and there is no way that I would want to give up the comfort and stability that I have in my life now. I know that when I go to bed at night, the love of my life will be in shortly and at any point during the night I can wake him up to hold me when I have a bad dream...yes, I still do this! Who has nightmares as an adult? I do! I know that he will be there to listen and gossip with me when I have a juicy secret that I'm not supposed to tell anyone else. C'mon, you know you do that too because we know that our men really don't care enough about gossip to run to work to tell their buddies, let alone remember it the next day. And I know that he'll always be there to be the best dad in the world. Watching Benji carry his tool box outside to help dad fix the lawnmower and watching Presley give him her toothless smile as she so excitedly falls into his arms whenever he comes near is a feeling that can never be replaced, and would never happen if I lived in the makeshift sorority house. So, even though he makes me so mad sometimes, mad enough to "break up if we weren't married," I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sorry girls!

21 Again...!?!

It's 9:30 pm, I'm living off campus, the walk to the frat party is 10 minutes. I need to account for the time it takes to put my make up on, my fake eyelashes, and the sexiest jeans with the cute shirt that shows just enough of my back when I dance to make the guys stare. Okay 10:30pm, if we leave now we'll be just in time to be fashionably late, you remember this, the kind of late where people juuuust start to wonder if you're going to show up! 10:45-Grand entrance! "LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION" when I walk into the room! Remember this? What the hell happened to us? Although we thought at that time that we were women who ruled the world, it is now that I see what "womanhood" actually is for many of us. I don't want to completely define it because I think that womanhood is something that is just a little different for everybody, but for me it was 6 months ago when Presley was born that I realized what it was to be a woman. Although she is my second child, something finally clicked. Maybe it was the fact that it was a completely natural birth (I drove myself to the hospital from work at 4pm and had the baby at 7:21pm...I know, I rock!) or the realization that I now have 2 children and a husband and our family has grown, I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it happened. I became....my mother! The person that I swore I would never be like, the person that I made fun of for going to bed at 8:45pm, and the person that I fought with non-stop from age 13-19. The feelings of guilt were with me for a while because for 27 years, I don't think that I ever really appreciated her. I get it now Mom, I really get it! Now it's me that falls asleep on the couch if I try to stay up to watch tv, it's me that argues with my husband who I'm so in love with, but have forgotten how to show it, and it's me that continuously thinks about my kids' future and what I can give up so they can have the most amazing life ever. I always thought that success was a well-paying job, a huge house with lots of guest bedrooms, great kids, great marriage, the whole package. I've learned that success is happiness. I feel successful. I have a very small house, no spare bedrooms, 2 wonderful children, an amazing husband who I love more than he'll ever understand, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 rabbits. I live in a small town. I love my family. I love Adam's family and most importantly I love myself. Thank you Mom, I get it.

My mother-in-law before she passed and my mom. Love you both.

7 years!

Yesterday Kurt and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary!  We made plans to do dinner and a movie and my parents were going to watch the 2 kids.  When I left for work in the a.m., he said, "happy 8th wedding anniversary, honey."  I said, "it's 7!"  He said, "oh, it feels like 8!"  Not even sure how 8 is supposed to feel like. . I mean, had he said, 'feels like 1' or '5' or '20' I would've gone, 'oh, ok', but '8'?!?!?!? ANYWAY. . .dinner he was extremely quiet while I chatted away(we women DO need to use up that # of words daily) and finally I said, "whats wrong with you? Do you feel ok? You are so quiet and acting weird."  He told me he was super tired because he went outside and did some work before the kids woke up.  This is when I wanted to scream, 'HELLO, I wake up every morning, go to work, come home, take care of the kids, clean, do laundry, cook (well, sometimes-lately it's been a lot of 'quick meals' but whatever) and go to bed really late so that the kids go to bed late so they sleep in so YOU can get stuff done before they wake up'. . .but, yeah, I held my tongue (I mean, this IS our anniversary-no fighting TONIGHT). And I just said, "aw, I'm sorry honey.  If you don't want to do the movie, we can go home so you can get to sleep early."  He said "no"-good thing! and we went to the movie. . . but sometimes I just wonder, how can we do SO much and not be allowed to complain?!?!?!?!?!  Amazing.  We women are amazing-we literally put on circus performances everyday by juggling so much and we don't get credit for it so here's to us, bravo women, bravo! :-) oh, and to you babe, Happy Anniversary!

Kurt and I last yr.  I was 9 months pregnant with Kendall.

Marriage Counseling

So, I still consider Adam and I "newly weds." Yes, it's been 3 years, but it has been a hell of a 3 years. A week before our big day, Adam's grandmother died, and then we were married, then I had a beautiful baby boy, Ben. Shortly after this, Adam's mom was diagnosed with cancer and died 4 months later. My grandfather and aunt died this year also. And then, just when it seems like things may slow down, I'm pregnant again with Presley. Oh, yes, and then there was Memorial Day of 2011 where our house was completely destroyed by a tornado. Since then, we've been living in Adam's dad's home while he lives in a trailer...yes a trailer...in the front yard. This must be the true definition of HILLBILLY! Anyway, we've had a few stressful things going on, needless to say, we've had little time to focus on our marriage and because of this we've struggled quite a bit. The empty threats of leaving and taking the kids were useless, and the yelling and screaming were also useless, time for counseling! Adam was less than thrilled with this idea, but willing to go along with it to make me happy. This was HUGE! Something for us, finally! Well, after a couple of visits, I spoke up about how frustrating our marriage is when Adam sees everything as "win or lose" and I look at it from the opposite perspective of "we're on the same team sweetie!" When I brought this up to our counselor, he asked Adam if this was an accurate statement. Adam agreed that it was. Our counselor began laughing at Adam telling him that marriage isn't about winning and losing, but about compromise and understanding. Finally, a man was able to explain to Adam that he was WRONG! As I quietly watched Adam's reaction to this, I kept a straight face, however in my head I was performing backflips! I couldn't help but thinking "I WIN, I WIN, I WIN!" Maybe it is more about "winning and losing" than I had previously thought!

A Spill

Normally I'd like to think of myself as a pretty calm, collective mother (wouldn't we all?!?!) and I usually address my 3 year old son, Tyler, in a calm way explaining the reason I'm going to spank him.  However, sometimes accidents happen and some accidents bring out the "AUGH" in even a calm, collective mother!  Yesterday I had just cleaned the whole house, except for my 'junk' counter. . .ok, you know we all have 1, right? Mine is exceptionally large and grows daily (no judgements allowed!).  While my son and I were eating dinner last night off our coffee table, he decided he didn't want his 10 month old sister, Kendall, drinking from his juice cup.  He walked over to the counter where I had placed my Lemonade and 'made room' for his sippy cup, spilling my lemonade onto EVERYTHING on my junk counter. . .needless to say, I went AUGH!! I knew I couldn't get on HIM, it was MY fault that I had, 1, placed it THERE on the edge, and 2, had allowed so much junk to accumulate. . .so instead I hollared out loud, "errr, your dad should clean up his mess!!!" and feeling MUCH better, I cleaned the counter and settled back on the floor to finish my pizza and what was left of my "pop"-Tyler isn't allowed to drink pop so this is what I call ALL beverages! :-)