Wish in One Hand, Shit in the Other

            I had my entire evening planned. Adam had a softball game, which the kids and I were not going to attend, but he had offered to have dinner ready so I didn’t have to cook when I got home from work. PERFECT! I arrived home. Hamburgers had been grilled, side dishes were on the table, and the kids actually ate what was made rather than me having to make a second, or third meal especially for them.  I find that oftentimes, my evenings go smoother when it’s just me with the kids!  After we all finished eating, I left the table and kitchen somewhat of a mess and decided to take the kids on a short stroller ride to the elementary school playground that we live near. By, now I was pretty much feeling like I should be winning an award for Mother of The Year…everything was going according to plan! As we strolled up to the playground, Ben quickly climbed out of his stroller, and as he was doing so the horror hit me…I hadn’t packed diapers, wipes, extra underwear, NOTHING. Quickly reassuring myself that we were only going to be at the playground for a few minutes, I forced my anxiety back down and urged Ben to hurry up and go play! Presley was getting antsy, so I removed her from the stroller and followed Ben. With Ben being only 3 years old, he considers me his best friend and source of entertainment a lot of the time. Of course, he wanted me to join him on the playground equipment, so I did…again…MOTHER OF THE YEAR…HELLO?!?! Carrying Presley in one arm, I climbed inside the equipment, went down the slide, jumped up and repeated! I sat Presley down on the grass for a couple of minutes so I could play on the monkey bars, this was abruptly ended when I looked over to see Presley stuffing woodchips and grass in her ever-hungry mouth. It had been about 15 minutes, and as I was about ready to tell Benji that it was time to go…I heard IT. “Mommy, I gotta go potty,” he quietly said from the top of the colorful jungle gym. Looking around in a panic, I found no restrooms, trashcans, nothing. As I lifted him down off of the play equipment, he said a little embarrassed, “it was an accident.” I reassured him that it was okay, it was just an accident, and asked him if he could hold the rest until we got home. Of course he couldn’t. This…is when I learned exactly what the expression, “You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which gets filled first,” meant.  Again, being 3, and still learning to use the potty consistently, I couldn’t tell him to poop in his pants and he refused to squat and poop behind the tree, so….being the resourceful mother of the year that I am, I found a leftover Little Debbie wrapper in the stroller. I lined my hand with the plastic, and told him to poop. AND HE DID…AND IT WAS THE SIZE OF A 7 FT TALL NBA PLAYER’S POOP! All in my hand, and smelly as ever. He grunted and out it came, into my hand…and since there were no trash cans, I had to wrap it in the old plastic and put it in the bottom of the stroller to take home. Yes, I smelled it the entire way, it was gross, and the entire walk home I was WISHING that nobody saw what had just happened.  So as much as I had wished for a bathroom, or just a trash can, or maybe even wipes,  it didn’t happen…my other hand definitely filled up first!