Waking up to a light rain this morning was a bit of a welcomed surprise. It’s been rather dry, and I’m not quite sure what grass mixture we have growing in our backyard, Desert Weed or Hillbilly Hay, but it’s not enjoyable to walk on barefoot…which is how we roll! Anyway, the rain was pleasant…until I had to take put the dogs outside in their kennel to feed them. Both of my dogs are pretty driven by any sort of food, but this morning there was no motivating factor behind plain old dog food for Mason. He stepped outside, saw a bolt of lightning and raced back into the garage. With one dog secured in the kennel, I raced back to the garage to find little Mason sitting next to the door shaking with fear. I put a leash on him, and ran as fast as I could while wearing Adam’s huge untied tennis shoes, my underwear, a t-shirt and no bra, back to the kennel to feed and secure Mason. Man, if my neighbors ever wanted a real circus show they should wake up early, put on their night vision goggles and just watch my backyard; it’s always a sight to see.
After the dogs were fed, cats were fed, it was time for me to wake the kids up and feed them breakfast. Adam gave me a goodbye kiss and he left for work. I climbed upstairs, first went to Benji’s room to turn his light on so we could try to avoid the gargoyle effect that happens each morning after dragging him out of bed, and then to Poo’s crib for a happy greeting. She awakens with a smile every day, I’m sure this will disappear when she’s a little older, but I love it now. As I pick her up and start to walk downstairs, I hear a door slam. I froze. Then I hear the refrigerator door open and someone shuffling things around. It must be a hungry, masked murderer here to kill me and steal my kids. I hold Presley tighter, stand quiet for a moment, and then say, “hello?” No answer. “Adam…?” It was Adam, I breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded downstairs. Of course it was Adam, why would a murderer be going through the fridge? Adam leaves again…for real this time! I place Presley in her seat, give her a breakfast of an egg and sliced bananas, and creep back upstairs to sing Benji awake. He slowly crawls out of bed, I carry him downstairs, and he follows his normal predictable routine of pointing to the lounge chair and then pointing to the remote. Benji doesn’t talk in the mornings until he’s had his “juicy,” his morning fix. I turn on the tv to G.I. Joe Renegades which is his other morning addiction, and look out the back window into the dark yard. Meanwhile, I’m imagining that there is a killer waiting in the garage for me. I’ve grown a lot of expertise in the “stay calm for your kids” skill, so on the outside I may look calm and cool, but my mind is usually pretty skeptical of the killers and rapists that wait behind every corner. I know, once again, I should probably be medicated. After the morning routine nears finality, I run outside to start my car. It’s still raining and occasional bolts of lightning and booms of thunder are happening. And yes, my mind overtakes me once again…now I panic because I’m pretty damn sure that I’m going to be struck dead by lightning, and Adam will return home from work this afternoon to find me lying breathless in the yard, Ben still watching Ninjas on TV and Presley screaming in her highchair.
I survived. My kids were driven safely to daycare, and I made it safely to work. I think that having children has caused me to become a paranoid schizophrenic. Five years ago I did not have any of these irrational fears, but now I’m always quite sure that I’m going to end up dead and my kids will have to grow up without me. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen. As I walked in to work though, and began to relax a little, I had a horrid realization…I had left my cell phone somewhere. Now, how the hell am I going to get through nine hours of work without my connection to the outside? Surely today will be the day that the world will come to an end and I’ll have no way of calling Adam to warn him.
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