A mother's guilt...

    I'm on vacation, in an amazing condo for the week, with amazing people. No responsiblities, no schedule, and nothing that we HAVE to do! I wake up to the view and sound of the ocean outside my window. No alarm and definitely nobody coming into my bedroom saying "Mommy, wake up!" Nothing! And....I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. I know that may be hard to understand for some, but many of you know exactly what I mean, especially those of you who have children. I'm having fun, trying to sleep in, and staying up past 9pm...where are my children?  My kids are with my parents for a week, having a vacation of their own with tractors to play on, horses to ride, and their cousins living so close that they'll be able to play every day. Why do I feel guilty?
  I think this is a mom thing. It has taken me a while, and I still sometimes wish for the days without children. Don't get me wrong, I love them more than life itself and would never, ever trade my children for anything...but when people say "I can't imagine life without them," I don't get that! I can definitely imagine life without them! I HAD a life without them and it was polar opposite of what I have now. Pre-children, it was nothing new to stay up until 4 am partying at the after-party and then waking up at 7 am to be at work on time. I could handle that then, probably because I was able to take a nap after work! Pre-children, I got a text message to go out to the bar spur of the moment, hell yeah! It was easy when I didn't have to find a babysitter! And now, I'm without kids again, for an entire week, and I don't know what to do with myself! By noon we have plans of going out to the bar and dancing, by 8 pm I'm ready for bed! We stay up late talking, partying, laughing, I'm still up at 6am ready to take the kids to daycare and go to work! I have no idea how to do this vacation thing anymore!
   I think about my life before kids, and yes, I can still imagine it, but it has become just that, my imagination. Sort of like imagining you're a millionaire, you always want it, until you become it and then you can't handle it (ahem..Lindsay Lohan!) I was that once, and it sure was fun for a few years, but this is what I want. A family, a marriage, and my AWESOME kiddos! Now, I just need to figure out how to get through this week with no kids, no responsibilites, staying up past 9pm! Hopefully before we leave I'll stop feeling guilty for not feeling guilty!