"Soccerball"

            For 6 weeks I’ve raced out of work, picked the kids up from daycare, rushed home to pick up the soccerball juice, soccerball, soccerball “chin” guards, and soccerball shoes…and then pulled into the parking lot of the soccerball field screeching my tires trying not to be “that mom who never gets her kids anywhere on time.” Since Adam is away at class every week on soccerball night, I pretended to be that awesome soccer mom that has her shit together…for 6 long weeks. Here’s a brief week by week synopsis of our soccerball camp. Keep in mind this program was designed for 3-4 year olds.

 

Week 1: Arrive at soccerball 5 minutes late, the other kids are already on the field running in circles, and there are no parking spaces so ALL of the parents stare as I park crookedly in the grass. As I step out of my non-soccer mom car in my heels and dress clothes, I let Benji out of the car, go get Presley out of the car, and head to the field. The coach greets us, gives Ben a high five, and he’s off. Things appear to be going well, until Ben ran up to me asking for his drink. Yeah, I hadn’t packed anything. I didn’t realize that 3 year olds strained themselves so much in 45 minutes that they needed 3 drink breaks.  Luckily, a much more prepared parent with an unopened water bottle saved the day. Benji was not happy about the water, but he settled for it eventually…after all, this was a strenuous activity that required constant hydration. Now it’s time for Parent Participation! Keep in mind…heels, soccer field…and a 10 month old in my arms. Awesome. I head to the field, my job is to be Ben’s partner and kick the ball back and forth. In my mind I was about to be recruited for the USA team, however looking back on this, I must have looked like “that mom that purposely wears fancy clothes and pretends to be super energetic and positive 100% of the time.” Yeah, that person annoys me…until I become that person!

 

Week 2: This week, most of the kids seemed to listen to the coach better. There were still 2 kids that sat with their parents on the sidelines crying because they were too anxiety ridden to go out onto the field. I sat with Presley on the sidelines and watching one child bear crawl around the entire soccer field pushing the ball with her head while her mom followed her around shouting, “no donkey kicking at soccer.” “You should stand up…we’re not donkeys.” Meanwhile, I came to the realization that she and her child both looked like donkeys. I’m not judging.

 

Week 3: The coach tried to teach the children about the number one rule in soccer…”no hands!” Benji, however, thinks it’s funny to pick the ball up and throw it into the goals. When the coach gave the direction to kick the cones over with the balls…Benji looked around at the other children following directions, picked his ball up, held it in his arms, and raced around to kick every cone over that he could with his foot. He was obviously able to do this much faster than the other kids who kicked the cones over with the ball! He was so proud of himself.

Week 4: And then, he pooped his pants. I didn’t find out until we got home. I wondered why he wandered around aimlessly, refused to listen to directions, and acted very withdrawn. We went to McDonalds for dinner anyway. This was an unsuccessful couple of weeks and I didn’t feel like making dinner!

Week 5: Apparently Benji had been starved and deprived of a drink the entire day at daycare. Without fail, every 5 minutes he raced over to Presley and me, grabbed a handful of cheerios and a drink of his “soccerball juice” (Gatorade) and raced back to the field.

Week 6: This is it, in the 45 minutes of practice they stretched, made goals, chased the coach around, had 3 drink breaks, dribbled the balls, and actually looked like they understood some actual soccer skills. Then…it was award time. Benji officially completed 6 weeks of LIL KICKERS SOCCER!!!!

 

Next up…basketball!