It's like toilet water.

            The evening started off as many of our evenings have lately…Presley insisting on being carried on my hip until dinner time and screaming at the threat of being placed on the floor or in a chair and Benji requesting “different colored cereal” (Apple Jacks…duh!) for dinner…not once, not twice, but 14,002 times within a half an hour. Oh, and to top everything off, Adam is sick, so as much as he tried to pretend to help, he was fairly useless.  Oh, and by sick I mean a runny nose…which for a man is apparently comparable to a woman having diarrhea, vomiting, and giving birth to twins with no epidural all at the same time. Anyway, I hope he feels better soon. J As the night crept on, dinner was finally finished (and it was NOT different colored cereal), we sat together as the wonderfully chaotic family that we are, and then it was time for a quick work out before it was time to come back and put Presley to bed. As Benji and I returned shortly from our run, as you can imagine we didn’t make it very far as a three year olds little legs fatigue quickly, it was time to get Presley into her pajamas. It was apparent that Adam was too unwell to do this…he really should rest.  Presley was dressed in her sleeper and very unhappy about it, she has just recently figured out that a change of clothes in the evening means bedtime and she is far too grown up at age 1 for a bedtime, unfortunately for her and Benji  I need some kidless time for wine therapy at night.  Presley had several songs and a long session of the “mom sway” in my arms before she was laid down in her crib, tonight this was pointless as she is continuing to scream as I write this, there is no consoling a one year old that has the intellect of a teenager.  Continuing on with my evening with a “fake it til I make it” attitude…it’s almost Ben’s bedtime and then I’m FREE, I began to urge Benji to get his jams on, potty, and brush his teeth…of course he’s not tired either. He is a big kid and he’s “tired from going to sleep, it takes too long” (whatever that means.) While I was arguing with Benji to take his clothes off and get his pajamas on, Adam was able to make it into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror…it’s important for a man to have a visual of how sick he really is. I followed him in, found some Nyquil and demanded that he take it, “It’ll help you feel better!” To my surprise he took the medicine and walked to bathroom sink where he planned to put his sickly mouth under the faucet to fill his sickly mouth with water to swallow the pills, and then he found IT! By this time I had walked back out of the bathroom to continue negotiating with my three year old about putting his pajamas on.

Adam: “BEN! Get in here, what is this doing in here?”

Ben: “What?”

Adam: “Right there, look, what is that doing in the sink?”

Ben: (Giggling) “I didn’t do it.”

Adam: “Why the hell would you do that?” (We don’t make a habit of swearing at our kids…usually)

Ben: (laughing harder)

Adam: “Get it out…now.”

Ben: “No.”

Okay, enough dialogue….but it was a turd. Yes, a turd. Not a big one, but a turd nonetheless and it must have been picked out of the shart stained superhero underwear by hand and placed in the sink. Why the sink? No idea. My mother who I’d like to think is an expert on child behavior (weird that she was never an expert on my behavior), always tells me that as a child’s body is physically growing, their brain tends to stop…and when the brain is growing, the body is stops. So…I have noticed that Benji’s pants are ALL very short on him lately, so it’s confirmed…his body is growing, and his brain has temporarily shut off. Who the hell puts a turd in the sink? I have to brush my teeth there, that’s like brushing my teeth with toilet water. Well, not really…but sort of and I’m forever grossed out by the turd in the sink. Adam was finally able to swallow the pills and now….as I finally finish my story, the whole house is quiet. Time for a bottle of wine therapy!