It Won't Work...

My goals for the evening:

1. Feed my kids something that isn’t pre-packaged.

2. Vacuum the living room.

3. Fold the laundry.

Adam successfully took care of goal 1! Dinner finished, kids in bed, I make two trips through the entire house and come to the realization that a burglar has broken in and taken the vacuum cleaner. It’s gone, forever. I’ll file the insurance claim for that a little later. And goal 3, well…I just sent a text message to my  niece telling her that there’s $25 in the pot if she wants to clean my house…and she’s in! So, the way I see it, all of the goals will be met….tomorrow! As for my writing, I haven’t done it in a very long time as my mind has been preoccupied, but I’m ready tonight…I think. Here’s my story…

 

As some of you have read before, many of my summer weekends are occupied at the ballpark “supporting” my husband. Now, before the kids, these games and ball tournaments were a great time as it wasn’t uncommon for me to be lounging in the outfield with an icy adult beverage in my hand watching my husband hit homeruns and gossiping with the other girlfriends about who was getting married next or who would be the first to be pregnant.  But in recent years we’ve all had babies and we’re all married…and now we tell stories about who’s kid pooped in the potty and what the best diaper rash cream is. So, here’s my poop story.

We’re on our way home from what seemed like a very long weekend and Adam and I were positive that Benji and Presley would sleep the entire way home providing a nice quiet break for the adults in the car. Well, Benji was asleep in the car before we could even get his seat belt buckled, and Presley…well, she just screamed the whole way home…”Mom, Daddy…Mommy…Daddy…Mom, Mom, Mom….MOMMY…” But about 25 minutes into our trek home, Benji wakes out of a dead sleep screaming, “My butt hurts, MY BUTT HURTS.” After a series of questions it was determined that he had to poop, bad. We have struggled with this child for a very long time, he does not like to poop and gets very upset with his butt when it does poop (I don’t understand, don’t ask), so when he tells us that he has to go, we’re on it like white on rice! Adam pulled off the side of the road, the action was going to have to take place in the weeds, we were on some back country roads with no gas stations in sight. It was a no go, nothing, darn butt. We buckle back in, begin to drive and then….again, it hurts, “IT’S COMING OUT.” So, again, we pull off the side of the road, I go to retrieve Benji out of the car, Adam digs through the trunk for wipes…and then he says it, “I HATE MY BUTTTTTT!!!.” “IT WON’T WORK, IT’S NOT COMING OUT, I DON’T WANT MY BUTT ANYMORE.” And I finally figured it out, this is why potty training has been such a struggle, his butt is defective, it will not work, and he doesn’t want that butt anymore. We’ll be on the hunt for a new butt soon, I hope we can find one that is a little more cooperative, sure would make this potty training thing a little less stressful.