The Other Parents

            They have red hair. Their shirts are grey. They drive a red car. Their only job in life is to cook spaghettios and chicken nuggets. They are both boys. They live in “the other neighborhood.” Only boys can go to their house, they chase girls away. They put “sparkles” on Ben’s shirts when he visits. No mommies can  go there because the road  to their house is blocked. There are lots of other boys there to play with. They have red elbows…because they colored them red.  Who are these wonderful sounding beings? Well, they are Ben’s “other parents” and that is precisely what their name is…”my other parents.” Ladies and gentlemen, our family has entered a new stage in life and rather unexpectedly…Ben has developed imaginary “other parents.” Presley is not invited to their house, because she is a girl. Their house is full of fun things to do and when you arrive at their house, assuming you are a boy because they only allow boys into their home, you walk down the stairs and the main living space is a family room in the basement. Yes, the details are very elaborate, and comical at times. These other parents allow Benji to do things that his biological parents don’t allow…such as extra ice cream after dinner, which always consists of spaghettios and chicken nuggets apparently. And they teach him how to do push-ups while elevating his feet upon yoga blocks. They have also taught him different techniques to build things when playing with play dough. These guys sound like great parents! So, why does my son have a new set of red-headed gay parents who are women haters? I have no idea. At this point I’m not quite sure if he’s becoming a paranoid schizophrenic or using these “other parents” to manipulate his way into another bowl of Superman Ice Cream, I hope it’s the latter.

            After talking to a few friends and co-workers, the intense changes that little Benji has faced in the past few months were brought up. Changes that would not necessarily affect an adult, but could greatly impact the way a young kiddo views the world. I began to think about what is different…within the past few months we have moved to a new house in the country from a house in a neighborhood, daycare has changed locations, daddy rather than mommy does most of the transporting to and from daycare now, a grandfather that Benji was used to seeing almost daily now visits less frequently since the move, mommy got a new job, and our daily routine has been hectic lately. Yes, these are things that adults face often, but not usually all at once, now imagine a 3 year old trying to make sense of all of this! And there you have it, he’s created a second set of parents that cook him the food he likes, play games and play dough with him, live in a neighborhood, and have lots of friends for him to play with when he visits! They are much more reliable and stable than his biological parents right now…I’m just not sure why they are red headed gay men, maybe someday we’ll be able to figure out that piece of the puzzle!

Spaghettios won't cause brain damage...

                As I’ve probably mentioned several times within the past few months, I’ve recently started a new job that is always high stress, never dull, usually very sad, and seldom rewarding.  Within these few months in this job I’ve seen children living in filthy homes, kids covered with bed bug bites and sleeping in infested bedding, children with broken bones, homes with only a beer in the refrigerator…no food, and a few kids that just like to tell very concerning stories that are often far from the truth and very embarrassing for their parents. Working in this job every day has taught me a few things about my own children…

1. Frozen pizza or spaghettios once a week won’t kill my kids, I’ve found that they actually love me more when I feed them these items!

2. Keeping them up a few minutes past their bedtime (often for some extra snuggle time) doesn’t ruin their schedule permanently.

3. Skipping a nap on the weekends isn’t all that bad…especially if time is spent playing with cousins!

4. Being dirty is fine…bathtime will roll around in a couple of hours!

5. It’s okay for kiddos to hear or see mommy and daddy disagree sometimes…yes, I said MOMMY AND DADDY!  Many children are not fortunate to have both in their lives, mine are.

So, the days when I’m too tired to read 2 books at night, I have learned not to let myself feel too guilty about reading just one to the kiddos, and spaghettios won’t cause long-term brain damage…I hope.