And Then We Danced

    It was a rushed day, as usual. I feel like most days are. We got home, my house was atrociously messy, dishes overflowing because...well, I'm lazy...and my goal was to get the house cleaned tonight. The kids played outside while I cooked a quick dinner. Before finishing dinner and dishes, they had already turned a movie on...Space Jam, their new favorite! Okay...just for tonight, dinner in front of the TV, while I continued dishes. This is quality time with my family, right? Yeah, yeah...but I could live in filth no longer! 

    Time passed, quickly as always, and it was time to finish dinner and take some baths. They needed to be in bed on time, I knew they were tired from a previous fun filled day outside playing with their grandpa and the litter of new kittens at his house! I went into the living room to urge them to move quicker...that never works, but I continue making the attempts! The movie was over and credits were playing...with music. 

Me: "Come on guys! Let's go! Time to be done." 

Presley: "I'm busy. I'm dancing." 

So, instead of fighting the losing battle of rushing kids, I joined in. While Ben sat in the chair making memories of how silly his  mom looked, Presley and I danced like crazy people! No rhythm, slow danced to fast songs, fast danced to slow songs, it didn't matter. All three of us scream sang I Believe I can Fly. 

With the schedules, school, work, appointments, practices, homework, and bedtime I often forget how awesome my kids are and how much happiness they unknowingly give to me...when I let them. I'm sure within a few days, or weeks, they will have long forgotten those few minutes, maybe not, but I know that I will remember that snippet in time forever. They are little pieces of something amazing in this world, and as much as all parents love their children, I don't think I'm the only one that sometimes forgets to join in the fun. It won't last forever. 

Thank you Ben and Presley, for the memory tonight.  

He Found my Kryptonite

Today was the day. The day all parents try to hide from their kids. Without warning, without any type of indication, they found it...they found my kryptonite. I’ve worked incredibly hard for 6 years to make my children believe I’m a superhero. They think I’m strong, they think I’m smart, they think I have my SH** together! I should be paid for this incredible charade I’ve kept up for so long! But....it all ended today, harshly, quickly....shamefully. 

We arrived home after school and work as usual. Being one of the first amazing days after winter, the kids were pumped to change clothes and head back outside. Presley ran through the doors and headed straight to her bedroom. I heard a piercing scream. My heart stopped. She’s not a screamer, and definitely not about anything in her bedroom. She came running down the stairs crying. 

Me: “What’s wrong?” 

Presley: “There’s a snake in my room.” 

Me: “WHAT?!?”

Presley: “There’s a snake in my room.” Still crying. 

Me: “Where did it go?” (Not sure why I expected her to have stayed to watch it.)

Presley “It’s in my room.” 

My first thought was that her door needed to be shut to trap the snake in her room, and my second thought was...THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL I’M GOING UPSTAIRS! My third, fourth, and fifth thoughts were to burn the house, move out, or call SOMEONE. I began the list of numbers to call, but nobody would be here fast enough to hunt a snake. We were about 17 seconds away from getting in the car and leaving EVERYTHING behind, including the dogs. It’ll be fine, we can begin a new life somewhere miles away where the python won’t find us. 

And then Ben laughed a little. 

Me: “What did you do?”

Ben: “Nothing.” 

Me: “WHAT DID YOU DO?” 

Ben: “Nothing.” 

Me: “LIAR.” 

He then asked Presley if it was fake. My heart is still pumping, I’m nearing a full panic attack. And then I wonder what happens when I pass out and die and the “maybe fake” or “maybe real” snake eats me? I’ve never taught my kids how to dial 911 from my cell phone. Surely we will all die within days. I forced myself to pretend to be mad instead of scared. 

Me: “Go get the fake snake Ben.” 

Ben: “No! I’m scared of snakes.” 

Me: “GO GET THE DAMN SNAKE AND THROW IT AWAY!”

Ben: “No.”

So, I don’t usually let my kids say no when given a direction, but how could I force him to go handle the situation when I couldn’t even handle it? Parenting is hard. Adulting is hard. I read all of the What to Expect books cover to cover, twice....THIS is not in there. 

Presley walked me upstairs. She held my hand and led the way as if I were the child.  We needed to see if the snake had moved. I still wasn’t completely convinced it was fake. (Stop judging me for attempting to force my 6 year old to conquer a monster. I can’t help it.) Presley tiptoed into her room far enough to see IT. She screamed and ran back out. She said it was still in the same place. OMG..... I tiptoed in, just far enough to see it’s hideous face...not moving. 

Meanwhile....Ben stands behind us pretending he wants to see it and laughing. I made him get a plastic garbage bag to put the monster in and throw it in the garbage OUTSIDE. On our way downstairs...he threw the bag with the FAKE snake in it at me....so I screamed. He’s still laughing. I’m sure that little nut is laughing in his sleep. 

He figured me out. Now I will forever live in fear. Fear of April Fool’s Day. Fear of summer and the words, “Mom, I have something for you.” Fear of a fake snake floating in my toilet in the middle of the night. FEAR. I’ll be continuing my life, but with a new xanax prescription.