JUST LEAVE!

     Why is it that we can have a fabulous 2 months with our husbands and then there they go again. . .acting like a butt!  The weekend before 4th of July my husband was going to go ride dirt bikes with his friend.   He was very excited and we'd been doing so good so  I was glad that he was able to see a friend he doesn't normally get to see.  The morning he got up to go ride his bike I got up with him and Kendall.  She was happy, as usual, and I didn't get in the shower or anything because I wanted to be able to 'see him off'.  I did some laundry and watched him hook his trailor up to his van, load his bike to the trailor, throw his gear in the van and then he went into the garage.  5 minutes passed, then 10 minutes, then 20 minutes and I decided I'd jump in the shower.  I figured I'd be out quickly and then I could be ready to start MY day.  I was in the shower when he walked into the bathroom hollaring at me about hurrying up and why was I taking a shower when he needed to take a shower and why wasn't I helping him?!?!  I quickly got out of the shower and said to him, I didn't know you were going to take a shower since you are going to a DIRT track to ride a DIRT bike and get plenty DIRTY. 
HIM: you know, I wish you'd help me get ready to leave when you know I'm in a hurry. 
ME: what can I do for you? 
HIM: you should KNOW. 
Irritated now I SAY: well, I'm sorry I didn't load your bike or hook up the trailor.  I'll pay attention next time you do that so I know what to do. 
HIM:  I didn't mean that.  You should've packed drinks and snacks for me and my friends.

     At this point I just let him go. . .all the while in my head I'm screaming "-pack snacks for you and your friends, what are we 4 again?!?!?!  JUST LEAVE"  And then it's just me and a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I know I'm going to have a good day.

Once every 8 months...

    I was lucky enough to sneak away to have dinner with an old friend tonight as my husband agreed to make dinner, give baths, and put both kiddos to bed without any of my expert, supervisory assistance. I'm sure that this will be used against me in a future argument, but I'm willing to risk it after not seeing my former college roommate in 8 months. This may not seem like very long, but the fact is that we live within walking distance from each other, yet we've both become so wrapped up in our own lives that we've failed to make any time to reminisce about college life or talk about old boyfriends...so yes, it's been far too long! Okay, 6:30 pm is our date at Applebee's, this gives me time to rush home after work and try to get at least one kid dinner ready, not that my assistance is needed. I arrive home around 5:30 pm, Adam and the kids arrive about 15 minutes after, and I am boiling some corn and green beans for Presley. I've waited for Benji to arrive home to ask him what he wants to eat for dinner, I knew that if I made something that he didn't want, Adam would have a definite tantrum on his hands...not that he couldn't handle it without me! Ben finally decides that he wants mac and cheese. Perfect! We have one container of spiral mac and cheese left in the cupboard. Add some corn and green beans as a side and we've got a meal fit for a cowboy! I add the water to the container of uncooked noodles, and place it by the microwave. Adam places the mac and cheese in the micro...3 minutes 30 seconds exactly...START! "I WANT TO COOK IT, I WANT TO COOK IT," calls the cowboy. With Presley in my arms, I rush to the microwave to stop the "cooking" so Ben will be able to open the door, press 3 and then start again. I feel a little less domestic every time Benji refers to placing something in the microwave as actual cooking. Anyway, he pressed start and waited at the table to be served. Presley was placed in her high chair only to fill both fists with bananas, corn, beans, and cut up pieces of pork tenderloin and begin stuffing her mouth.

   Time for me to leave, it's 6:15, my dinner date is in 15 minutes and I really want to squeeze in as much time as possible with my friend during dinner! Without question, Ben throws himself to the floor because he wants to come with me, but I was already 2 steps out of the front door and...there's no going back now, 2 hours of FREEDOM were awaiting! I arrive at Applebee's, get seated at a table, and then text Adam to apologize for leaving him with a screaming 3 year old. My dinner date arrived a few minutes later. We hugged, sat down, and before 5 seconds passed we were already comparing stories of our children and our husbands! We spent 2 hours eating, laughing, and talking solely about our current lives. We didn't bring up college once, we did however share pregnancy stories, birthing stories, and fights with our husbands! As our evening concluded and we once again drove in our separate ways (10 blocks apart), I couldn't help but to think about how far we've come in the past 6 years since college graduation. Then, we couldn't wait to get back to our apartment to plan for the weekend's jello shot party that we were hosting, and now we can't wait to see each other to bounce potty training ideas around! Our lives have definitely been transformed through work, relationships, and children, but I feel so blessed that we can remain such close friends....even if we only see each other once every 8 months!

This picture was taken while we were on Spring Break, Senior year of college. Miami, FL.

Unreality Withdrawals

            Have you ever realized how making a few minor changes in your life can completely affect the way you view yourself? I’m sure you have…but I’m not talking about losing weight, or exercise, or changing your diet, who has time or energy for any of that anyway? After going through withdrawals from my recent “unreality vacation” where I was able to be without kids, without responsibilities, and drive a vehicle that didn’t scream “Babies on board” or “I’m a mom and I’m late for work,” I have made a few simple changes.

            The first change I have made is the size of my purse. My previous purse was able to carry 3 diapers, my over-sized wallet, a book, 4 super-hero figurines, one pack of wipes and if needed, my 8 month old. The purse I have now holds my wallet, a piece of gum, and lip gloss…exactly like college! Yes, it’s quite a sacrifice to not have diapers and wipes at my disposal, but I realized after my “unreality vacation” that I am only with my children during the car ride to daycare, the car ride home, and most other times aside from weekends, we are at home…why do I need to carry all of these things in a mom purse? If I really do need to take all of these items somewhere, I’ll pack the diaper bag!

Previous purse...

New purse.

                                                                     

            The second, and possibly the most important change I’ve made is switching to a different car. Typically car troubles upset people, but the ones we were having couldn’t have come at a better time…it was very easy to convince my husband that it was time for a new vehicle. Now, I was previously driving a Durango which had plenty of space for both kids, both dogs, and my huge double running stroller…and we all know I only carried this around to make people think that I actually run. Well, since it was Adam’s vehicle that was having so many problems, I thought I’d be so kind to give him my Durango and willingly take on another car payment, something with better gas mileage perhaps! And since I drive further to work…I should probably drive the new car that gets better gas mileage anyway, it’s completely logical…at least in my “unreality vacation” withdrawal mindset! Well, I found a vehicle. It has just enough space in the back seat for the two kids, the trunk will fit my single stroller and some groceries, dogs will have to stay home, “better gas mileage hunny!” Along with that better gas mileage, I got a new car that can double as the ride for a girls night out at the casino!

Previous vehicle...

Hot new car.

           

         I feel like a new person…see ladies, 2 simple changes! By the way, I was able to justify the new car by saving so much money on the smaller purse.

Prince Charming

     Growing up I remember hearing my grandma sing, "Some day my prince will come. . .but he hasn't come yet". . .she has been married to my grandpa for over 55 years and sings this when she has had it up to her ears with him!  I never understood what she meant and I actually always felt bad for my grandpa if he came into the room and she was singing her rendition of the song from Disney's Snow White.  But now. . .
     I thought I had met my Prince Charming and I even thought about doing the whole "Princess Wedding" (but my 'prince' disagreed with that theme!).  I met him, I dated him, I married him. . .my prince Charming, my soul mate.   But after we got married my Prince Charming became the grown son I had never had-leaving trails of dishes and laundry.  Being more moody/tantrum throwing than me.  I didn't know I'd be forced to take the 'mother' role. . .that was NOT my plan. 
     Suddenly I understand!  I get it Grandma, TOTALLY get it. . .and I occasionally find myself singing that rendition of the famous Disney song in my head, and sometimes out loud.  How did my Prince Charming just walk out. . .sure there are the occasions that I see little tid bits of that crowned being-the 1 who adored me and did little unasked things to make ME happy. . .but for the most part. . .yeah, you know.
     But last night I realized that I have a new Prince Charming and the ability to raise him as someone else's Prince Charming.  My 3 year old was sitting on the couch with me "snuggling" and his head was on my stomach.  My stomach growled and he sat up and said, "mom, what'd your stomach say? Whats that noise? Why did it do that? Are you ok?"  And I said, "Oh, thats mommy's stomach growling because it is hungry."  And my little prince said, "Oh, mom, I can go find you some food and make everything ALL better!"  HOW amazing is HE?!?!?!?!?! 
     So to all of us who have little princes in our care-it is TOTALLY up to us to make sure these little princes keep their sweet, helpful, strong, caring selves so they can be some Princess's Prince Charming 1 day.

My Poop Is Sleeping

As I arrived home yesterday evening after work and after picking up Presley at daycare, I was met by my husband, a person carpeting our basement stairs, and a DishNetwork associate who was installing the new satellite that Adam decided he couldn’t live without. A few minutes later, Ben and his fur-brother, Mason were dropped off by my sister-in-law after spending the whole nap-less day with their cousins. As you can imagine, things were a little hectic as soon as I stepped out of my car.  Evenings in our home are sometimes rushed anyway with me getting home from work at 5:35pm and trying to have dinner ready by 6pm, then getting baths and bedtime routine started and kids in bed by 8.  Yesterday though, was another story.

            My wonderful, laid back, easy-going Ben is definitely Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_Case_of_Dr_Jekyll_and_Mr_Hyde) when a two hour nap isn’t implemented at some point during the day. He was dropped off after having a melt-down about a piece of candy, or something else that means the world to a three year old and means absolutely nothing to the rest of the world. After almost calming down following that melt-down, he inquired about the dishnetwork van in our driveway and wanted to see “the man.” Meanwhile, Presley is crying because her little 8 month old belly is telling her that she’s STARVING. I hand her off to Adam and take Ben to the basement where “the man” is working on the tv and satellite. After a few minutes of Ben staring at “the man” I felt a little awkward just watching him so I tried to convince Ben that we needed to go upstairs and go potty and have dinner (pizza and hot dogs..high-class!). We walked upstairs to the main floor and you would think that I was torturing my child by asking him to go potty, but he finally agreed and climbed onto the potty…where he proceeded to scream, “MY POOP IS SLEEPING, MY POOP IS SLEEPING, I CAN’T POOP. MY POOP IS SLEEPING. IT HURTS. IT WON’T COME OUT. I DON’T WANT TO PEE.”

I’m not sure what was going on in his head, but I was in no way forcing him to stay on the toilet, or even stay in the bathroom, and asked him if he wanted to get down, but he continued, “I DON’T WANT TO POOP, I DON’T WANT TO GET DOWN, I CAN’T PEE, MY POOP IS SLEEPING!” By now, I’m only slightly embarrassed as the dishnetwork man walks by. I refused to make any eye contact, I knew he was judging me! Adam tries to reassure “the man” that Ben hadn’t had a nap and that he’s had a busy few days, not that “the man” cared much because I’m sure he thought that I was in the bathroom torturing my kid. Presley still continues to cry through all of his because she wants her food. The oven timer goes off, pizza is ready! Adam places Presley in her seat to eat her meal of fruit, snack puffs, water, and little pieces of hot dogs, she is satisfied. Ben is now screaming, “I HATE PIZZA, I DON’T WANT HOT DOGS, MY POOP IS SLEEPING!” I like to think that I put on an excellent performance of “Super Xanax Mom” who was able to not raise my voice and stay completely calm throughout all of this, keep in mind that it was just that...a performance, inside I was screaming, "WAKE YOUR DAMN POOP UP AND EAT YOUR PIZZA!" We finally got Ben to the table, his poop never did “wake up”, and he ate some Spongebob shaped macaroni. Most nights I don’t give my kiddos the option to eat whatever they want, but tonight was an exception. The food in his system helped minimally, but it did help and after dinner was bath time, then bed. Bedtime tonight couldn’t come soon enough. After struggling to get him to his bedroom quietly, which didn’t happen, I was sure that he’d be asleep within minutes. I was absolutely WRONG. He remained awake for over an hour, kicking the side of his “bunk house” (this is what he calls his new bunk beds). He finally fell asleep about an hour and a half after we put him to bed…and then all I can think about is having a bottle (yes bottle!) of my favorite wine  (http://www.stjulian.com/Concord%20Wine), but we were all out. Really? This was definitely not the night to be out of wine.

My Super Power

          I love asking children what their super power would be if they could choose one. Without a bit of hesitation, it’s ALWAYS to fly. As we get older, our minds undoubtedly change, in our teen years it is to be invisible or to shape shift, and as adult women I think most of us would choose to read minds. Yes, you’d get the good with the bad and quite frequently you’d hear what everyone thinks of you, but imagine how this would make life at home so much easier. Here are some examples:

Me: “Good morning puppies (yes, I talk to my dogs), are you going to clean the house today while I’m at work?”

Dogs: “Hell no, we are going to sleep on the couch, raid the kitty litter box, and then maybe pee in a hidden spot so you step in it when you get home because we’re mad at you and we think it’s funny.”

In this specific case, after reading their little dog minds, they would be put in their pen outside and away from any source of potential trouble until I arrived home.

Me: “Ben, what do you want for dinner tonight?”

Ben: “No, I don’t want dinner.”

Now, if I was reading his mind, I would know that he wanted to continue playing outside and in his 3 year old mind he’s never tired, never hungry, but that he’ll want to eat 2 bunless hotdogs, bbq potato chips, and milk…in 10 minutes.

And lastly…

Me: “Hey Adam, what do you want to do this weekend. We finally have a free weekend with no plans!”

Adam: “I don’t care.”

Now, without going into specific detail about what my husband is really thinking, I’ll just say that he does actually care and I should give him at least one of the two weekend days to work in the garage or go spend a lot of money at Menards! In today’s world, I think so many of us that should be capable of verbally communicating our feelings have lost the ability, or have never been taught.  Even though my child isn’t quite 3, and my husband just turned 35, I urge them to talk to me about how they are feeling. Happiness, sadness, and anger. We talk about what caused these feelings. I do not claim to be the perfect parent, and parenting is definitely a “learn by your mistakes” type of skill that is probably never perfected, but I do try to do what I think is best, as a wife and a mother. We all know that being a wife, or girlfriend to a man is very similar to parenting at times (just a shot in the dark that most ladies will agree with me on this one!).

Imagine now if our men had the ability to read our minds! Most of the time I think this would work out to our advantage, most of the time!

Adam: “What do you want to do this weekend, Jody?”

Me: “I don’t care.”

He would know that I actually do care, and what I really want is to have a romantic weekend and rent a romantic comedy to pop in after the kiddos go to bed! We’re guilty of it to, sometimes! Life would probably be much easier if everyone could read everyone else’s minds…but since it’s a long time out for most of us, maybe we should just practice the communicating a little more!

I Need My Morning Coffee

            I woke up this morning to the sound of my phone vibrating underneath my pillow. It was 5:58 and it was a text from Adam. I’m one of those people that always assumes someone is going to be in imminent danger and that I’ll be the one that they call to rescue them…so in other words, my phone remains on 24 hours a day. Because of this, I think my phone has decided to play little tricks on me. It absolutely refuses to alarm before 6 am. I have two alarms set on it, one for 5:25, and then a 6:00 am alarm, that is a final warning that I better get my butt out of bed and I better have showered the night before because I have to leave in 30 minutes! Needless to say, my 5:25 alarm had not sounded, and I did not wake up until my husband texted me. Now, my morning routine is scheduled exactly to the minute and if one thing falls out of routine I will not have time to stop at Citgo to buy my 2 for $4 Starbucks doubleshots that fuel my day! So, I now have 30 minutes to get myself dressed and groomed, the dogs fed and put in their kennel, cats put outside for the day, Presley dressed and fed, and Ben dressed, he’s going to have to eat breakfast at daycare today, I simply don’t have time…since I have to get my caffeine fix!

            Okay, animals are taken care of, I’m dressed, and now it’s 6:07 am, I go upstairs to wake Presley up. She’s happy and wakes up willingly. I quickly get her dressed and give her a bottle. I sit her down on the floor, prop her up with a pillow and she feeds herself, what an independent child! (I’m glad I have at least one of those!) Time to go wake Ben up, this is torture for him every day, except on the weekends when he wakes up at 5:30am by himself and refuses to go back to sleep…argh!

Me: “Benji…time to wake up Buddy.”

Ben: “NO”

Me: “Come on Buddy, time to get up.”

Ben: “NO, I want to go to the zoo.” (no idea where this came from!)

Me: “Let’s go Ben. I’m going downstairs, you get up and come down when you’re

       ready.”

Ben: “NO”

So, I leave his room, go downstairs, and put my shoes on. It’s now 6:20 and we need to leave in 10 minutes…because I NEED MY CAFFIENE. It’s now 6:24 am, Ben comes downstairs.

Me: “Hi bud, let’s go potty”

Ben: “NO”

Me: “ You can go outside or in the potty.” (yes, I let my child outside with the                  dogs in the mornings to pee)

Ben: “NO, it’s cold outside.”

Me: “Really Ben, it’s already 80 degrees outside.” (Can you tell I need caffeine?)

He finally decides to go out into the arctic to pee. When he comes back in I get him dressed and of course he hated the underwear that I had picked out for him. He hated the shirt that I had picked out for him, and the shorts were okay, but he wasn’t happy with me. Like every other day in Ben’s life, he HAS to wear his bright blue cowboy boots. He put one on and screamed because it wasn’t warm. I have no idea what his meant and still don’t, but all I know is that by now it was exactly 6:30 and the thought of me not getting my starbucks had my anxiety rising like a thermometer in hell. By now, he didn’t want his boots because they weren’t warm, but he didn’t want his sandals either (even though the temperature is supposed to be 96 degrees today and humid). “You have until the count of three to get to the car or Presley and I are leaving without you.” No, I wasn’t actually going to leave, but a 3 year old doesn’t know that so it worked! He ran out to the car screaming…and barefoot. (My neighbors love us.) I grabbed his SANDALS and marched to the car, irritated. I buckled Ben in, tossed his SANDALS on the floor and shut the door. 6:37 now. I drove to daycare, carried him in…barefoot, and then carried Presley in, she’s still smiling through all of the chaos! I sign the kids in, reported Presley’s morning bottle and diaper change, and gave Ben a hug, told the kiddos that I loved them and I’m out the door….FINALLY.

            I decide to stop at the store whether it was going to make me late for work or not, I wasn’t ready to face the day without my doubleshot of energy! I bought my canned coffee, and sped to work, made it on time..I can finally relax. Work is so much easier than kids! God Bless all of the stay-at-home parents, there’s no way I could ever do that!!!!